Reasons I Will Not See Your Play

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It’s set in a kitchen.

It’s set in a pub.

It’s a monologue.

The dialogue features internal rhymes.

It’s a “devised piece.”

It’s written in Dubbalin slang.

Audience participation is involved.

You have cast white actors as black or vice versa.

An interpretative dance occurs.

Adult characters act out childhood games.

The actors pretend to be drunk.

A lighting change indicates that we are now in the past.

The plot hinges on the outcome of a game of cards.

It’s about a crabby old person dying.

It’s about being trapped in a small town.

A major character has a terrible secret.

A priest appears.

One character says to another, “You know what your problem is?”

It’s Shakespeare, but all the characters are gay.

It’s about a group of miners/factory workers/unemployed men who discover the joys of art.

At some point, someone has clearly said, “I think we should take this in a sort of commedia dell’arte direction?”

An actor pretends to be shot or stabbed onstage.

It’s set in a vague conceptual nonspace and the characters are called A, B and C.

There is no interval.

Your play is Rent.

(Any of the above will result in me not seeing your play. See also this.)

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